I would like to share an experience I had which involved a couple of my colleagues during my internship. This is a classic example of a lack of cultural knowledge that led to some uneasiness among the parties involved.
It was John’s birthday and he invited us to a restaurant which he strongly recommended for their steak. John is an American and he has been in Singapore for half a year. 3 of us who were local accepted his invitation and we went for dinner together.
John was very spontaneous and started ordering the food for all of us. Everything went on fine and we had a wonderful time chatting. We agreed to head to a pub to continue the celebration. Then it was time to settle the bill, the rest of us assumed that it was John’s treat and showed no signs of paying our share. John then prompted us to pay him for our share, since we did not see this coming, we were quite shocked and I guess our facial expressions revealed our emotions. There was that few seconds of silence that left all of us feeling very awkward, anyway we paid him and left for our next destination.
The atmosphere was rather awkward until the booze took effect and we were all back to normal if not better. These are moments when the booze really comes handy.
Thinking back about the situation, the misunderstanding arise due to the different culture that we were accustomed to. I spoke to some American friend to enquire more about the culture with respect to this context and learnt that they often go on Dutch. As for the Chinese, it was generally accepted that the person who invited would be the one picking up the tab.
That occasion definitely strike upon me the importance of cultural intelligence.
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Hey Terence,
ReplyDeleteHa, and you thought you got a free sumptuous meal from a Caucasian! I guess we now know why the term is “Go Dutch” instead of “Go Singapore” or some other Asian country!
In your situation, I think the three of you also made the assumption that because it was John’s birthday, and he invited you to the restaurant, it would only be ‘logical’ if he paid for the entire bill. Thank goodness you were able to pay for your share! On the other hand, the 3 of you should have paid for his dinner since it was his birthday =p
I think that paying for the entire bill is really an Asian/Chinese culture. My dad always fights to foot the bill whenever we had a meal with his friend’s family or other relatives. I’m sure you have experienced the same thing.
Interestingly, if you have watched “Russell Peters – Red, White and Brown”, you would have noticed that the comedian actually labeled Caucasians as spendthrift. He even mentioned that if you call them cheap, they will ‘buy you a beer’!
Here’s to alcohol and the wonders it can do in situations like these!
Chee Kiang.
This is interesting, Terrence, because it does so clearly illustrate the different assumptions that were at play in the dinner. As an American, if I had been invited to John's b-day party at a restaurant, I would have assumed that the rest of us would pick up the bill on behalf of the birthday boy. The only alternative would have been to "go Dutch."
ReplyDeleteAmericans would not expect the birthday celebrant to pay for us, unless the guy was super rich and we were all poverty-stricken knaves.
Like Chee Kiang wrote, luckily you had the money to pay!
This example reminded me of an occasion similar to yours where my friend (Singaporean) initiated a dinner. I thought her intention was for a meeting to catch-up with one another, and normally on such occasions, we would "go Dutch". Only when it was time to foot the bill did she reveal that it was also a birthday treat from her. I felt quite bad about it and suggested that we treated her instead but she was insistent about paying.
ReplyDeleteI guess it’s an Asian thing to foot the bill when we invite others for a meal. I think there is an implicit understanding that the one who invites is the ‘host’ and the invitee is the ‘guest’. Therefore, the ‘host’ naturally gets the bill. So, it all depends on who invites who!:)
Grace's comments are very informative. Thanks for initiating this exchange, Terence.
ReplyDeleteTo add to Grace. I think as students it's not our culture to treat one another yet as we understand that we're only surviving on our parent's allowance!
ReplyDeleteI actually see the 'transformation' when my friends graduate and start working. They seem to be glad (or should I say, desperate) to actually buy us dinner, treat us to dessert, offer to come fetch us for drinks at midnight etc.
Is it because work is so mundane and lonely that they'll do anything just for company? If that's the case, I'm not looking forward to graduation!!!!
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ReplyDeleteHey Terence,
ReplyDeleteI agree with Chee Kiang. Financial independence is a very important factor which can prompt or deter anyone from any culture for that matter when it comes to the issue of footing the bill.
I think another important factor, however, is what one is footing the bill for as well. Somehow, people always seem to be more receptive to footing the bill when it comes to booze. I guess it's because one looses one's inhibitions thanks to the power of alcohol. SO like Chee Kiang said...
Cheerz to Booze!
Hi all,
ReplyDeleteThanks for all the interesting comments.
I think John played the role of a host very well, he ordered the food on our behalf and he was complimenting every dishes that came. It was to the extend that he could easily be mistaken for a staff by the other diners. Grace mentioned about the relationship of a host and a guest, I think this was the reason which supported our assumption that he was picking the tab. Another reason for our assumption is because John was somewhat our superior and the Chinese usually would be the one treating if he or she was the superior of the rest probably due to the "face", but I am not too sure for the Western foreigners if this applies.