Sunday, February 15, 2009

Business Correspondence critique

I have come across a letter from an insurance company which I thought could be improved with more emphasis on the characteristics of the 7Cs. The content of the letter is as stated below.

Dear Policyholder,

Policy Plan: Dependant’s Protection Scheme (DPS) – Top up

We would like to inform you that the sum assured allowed under the DPS is $46000.

Do take note that there are insufficient funds in your CPF Ordinary/Special Account to deduct the premium for this sum assured, we therefore encourage you to do a top up premium to enjoy the full coverage.

You may pay the premium by sending us a cheque made in favour of “XXXXX” (Company name) together with the completed “Application for Top-Up” form. Please indicate your name, NRIC no. and policy no. on the reverse of the cheque. Alternatively, you may pay by Cash/NETS at any of our servicing branches.

Should we not hear from you by 19Feb 2009, we will deem that you are no longer interested to top up your premium. We would then proceed to cease your policy coverage.

__________________________________________________

In the first paragraph, the word “allowed” is redundant which makes the sentence structure incorrect.

Suggested phrasing:
We would like to inform you that you are insured under the DPS for $46,000.

The suggested phrasing has reflected more courtesy as it suggests a closer affinity between the insurer and client.

_________________________________________________

In the second paragraph, it lacks courtesy in the phrasing.

There is a punctuation error as well, the sentence is too long.

There is a lack of clarity for the following phrase, “to deduct the premium for this sum assured”. The premium for the sum could be stated more clearly.

Suggested Phrasing:
Kindly note that there are insufficient funds in your CPF Ordinary/Special Account to deduct the premium of the above mentioned policy. We encourage you to do a top up premium to enjoy the full coverage of the policy.

_________________________________________________

In the third paragraph, there is a lack of completeness as inadequate information was presented. The details such as the amount of the monthly deductions were not stated. There was no mention of the amount of top-up to be done. Furthermore, since such premiums are paid on a regular basis, it is not stated the number of months that this particular top-up would cover.

__________________________________________________

In the fourth paragraph, there is definitely a lack of tact and courtesy.

Suggested phrasing:
As XXXX (Company name) wishes to continue insuring you, we hope to hear from you by 19 Feb 2009. Should we not hear from you by then, we shall assume you have other plans and would cease your policy coverage.

Please do give your comments. Thanks

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Conflicts within the Family

Conflicts arise in our lives very often, we may be one of the parties involved or play the role of a mediator. Therefore, I am pretty sure all of us have a fair share of experience in this aspect. I have a knotty problem that is ongoing which I would like to share. Your opinions to the matter would be very much appreciated.

This matter involves my very close aunt and her husband, my uncle who had stopped working for about 2 years and had since been at home looking after the grandchildren. The family was contemplating to send the children to a private or government pre-school, all except my uncle agreed upon the government pre-school as the fees were more affordable. My uncle stressed that the money would be well spent for the better education. After much discussion, they went ahead with the government pre-school which left my uncle very unhappy and he let out his frustrations on my aunt, rattling that the family have lost their respect for him just because he is no longer contributing to the household. My aunt rebutted, saying that my uncle does not understand the financial situation they are in. From then on, my aunt and uncle would have arguments over the slightest reasons, my uncle would be very defensive and took my aunt’s harmless comments very personal. My uncle would always bring up the conflict they had with the pre-school decision.

My aunt on her part has kept communications to the minimum stating that this is the best solution. Would avoiding the issue even be a solution let alone being the best solution in this situation?